All of the posts that follow are from a much older version of this blog -
I don’t know why I am saving them but I am.
Just thought I should warn you - there’s a lot of dead links down there. Don’t blame me. Blame time. It gets us all.
Some triumphant return.
I Love The Way You Move
Okay, it looks like I’m going to dance here again. Stretch my legs and spin. Gawd, I love dancing. That’s the one thing that I can’t knock Earl for - the man can dance. The way he moves me. I’m like butter in his hands. Have you ever felt like that? When you reach that spot where the whole world disappears and it’s just you and your man moving together? Mmmm, makes me feel young again. You know, lets get this out of the way, straight off, so that we’re all on the same wave length. I’m probably going to end up talking a lot of shit about Earl on these pages but there is one thing, above all others, that you have to understand and it’s this : I really do love the big lug. He’s my man and I will stand by him until the very end.
Sweet jeezus, did I just type that? I think I just puked in my mouth a little. Where in the hell is my head? Oh, yeah! With my lips planted squarely on Earls large hairy ass. You know, for all his faults, there are times when the man simply shines and today was one of them. He was a complete angel. A hassle free day with the fam. The bestest of presents. (My own computer! Wheee!) And tonight he even rubbed my back. Christ, I couldn’t ask for anything better then that.
So, this one’s for you, Earl. It’s not the post that I intended - a rave about my triumphant return - but it’s the one I got. And I like it a lot.
Just like you.
Thanks babe. For everything.
Be Safe Be Naked
I received this in a email today …
Sounds good to me.
"The Taliban and Al Quaida cannot stand nudity and consider it a sin to see a naked woman that is not one’s wife. Next Saturday afternoon, at 2:00 p.m. EST, all North American women are asked to walk out of their houses completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists. Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this antiterrorist effort.
All men should position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their homes to prove that they think it’s OK to see other women nude.(Since the enemy does not approve of alcohol, a cold six-pack at your side is further proof of your anti-Taliban sentiment.) Notify the appropriate authorities of any people who do not participate. Your efforts to root out terrorists will be greatly appreciated and indicate your desire to demonstrate your patriotism.
To achieve 100% participation, forward this note to other similar minded patriots.
Remember: Be Patriotic - Be Safe - Be Naked “
Those Godless Clones
For a second, I thought this article was food for thought but now that I see the words here, all I can think is - who the fuck cares? Damn. Mama knows better then to blog without a drink and her pills. Bad mama. Bad.
"Yesterday the Islamic World League (its headquarters are situated in Mecca) circulated a statement to confirm the ban imposed on baptizing of clone babies and appealed to all countries for imposing the prohibition as well. The Islamic organization decided to prohibit baptizing of clone babies in the Islamic countries four years ago. The Islamic World League Secretary General Abdullah bin Abdulmohsin Al Turki says that cloning of humans “contradicts the law of life created by Allah, causes damage to human beings and contradicts the Shariat.”
Meanwhile “ the Catholic Church has laws of its own. If someone brings a baby in church, and the baby has a head and looks like a human, we assume that the baby has a soul, even if he is a clone. Under such conditions, every clergyman is obliged to baptize the baby.”
Michel And Her Money Making Ta-ta’s
Michel has been cyber-begging at Give Me Boobs for little more then month now and is already a grand and a half closer to making her dream of larger tat-ta’s a reality. Why the hell didn’t I think of this? Here I am presiding over a stinkin’ little blog when I could have started my own domain SiphonMyGiantAssAway.com. What was I thinking? I’m stupid, I guess. Stupid, stupid, stoooopid …
It seems that cyber-begging is catching on. Zachery is seeking $30,000 so that he can goto bible collage and become a priest. (By my count he has made $191.) Sarah and Brittany also want boobs. ($57) George needs two grand to fix his Ford Mustang. ($36. Hell, give George five hundred bucks and he’ll tattoo whatever you want on his body. Wheeeee!) And Maggie has a brain tumor. (Sure you do, hun. $67)
Gawd, now I feel sick. For christsake, get the hell off the net and get a job.
Earl snores in the other room while I polish off my third bloody Bloody Mary. The booze on top of these new diet pills the doctor put me on gives me a wicked buzz. When I close my eyes pinky purple hews ping and pop behind my eyelids. Everything feels smoooooooth and unlike the other stuff, not a hint of teeth grindage. Here’s to the miracle of modern science … clink!
Christ, I’m wasted.
Are You Cumming?
Hey lovers, did you know that the first of every month is a sexual holiday? At 8pm (pacific time) Globalgasm wants you (alone or with a partner) to get down and dirty with the intentions of giving the earth a little sexual healing. As it says on their website, “The world needs an injection of focused, positive, sexual energy. If we all do it at the same time, we can build off each other and elevate the vibe to an earth-shattering level.” So why don’t you put down that remote, slip into something sexy and seduce the one you love in the name of making the world a better place?